Finally arriving back home after an amazing 3 day adventure on Saturday afternoon July 7, 2018, I was physically tired but mentally my mind had so many thoughts running through it. So many amazing encounters during Amma’s 3 day visit. So much magic and yet there were also a few struggles that threaten to overpower the other magical lessons.
After my 3rd or 4th or 5th Hug from Amma I am always in a wavering state of should I or shouldn’t I get a hug this time. It’s interesting to note that this is not a problem for anyone I’ve ever encountered in the many years I’ve been doing SEVA with AMMA. The question has always been did you get your hug – not are you going to get a hug. Now I take this to be a lesson for me on how I allow the Divine Good into my life – always questioning should I or shouldn’t I when Amma’s embrace is open to all – even when there are restrictions (only once per tour – but open on Devi Bhava) I’ve seen those seeking Amma’s embrace put in positions where they were sitting near Amma, giving prasad or in line for a much needed hug.
While sitting in line for my final hug during Devi Bhava, somewhere around 7 or 8 am I get the thought to ask Amma to bless me as a teacher. I’m tired, my brain is a bit foggy and I have no idea what the means or looks like and to be honest it feels a bit silly and like I’m just making up stuff. But as I shuffle through the chairs it’s like so what’s the worse that can happen? How do you know when it’s a divine inspiration and just an ego attempt at recognition?
There I go again wavering. So what the hell I get up to Amma and let the woman next to her who translates know I would love Amma’s blessing to be a teacher. She tells her, Amma hugs me then looks at me and takes my hands and smiles, put the paste on my third eye and lovingly touches me and I get up and go.
As usual when I do anything I expect a parade, confetti and front page recognition. But it’s just me and Amma. Everyone else is just them and Amma. I go back to SEVA and am in a good position to help with the Rose shower at the end, which means I’m my SEVA is on the stage and I can help direct people around the circle – which I’ve learned is you have to push people to help them hurry so the ones behind them can get the shower as well – otherwise they slow or stop and it delays the process .
Devi Bhava end is bitter sweet. Sweet for all the effort and love and music and hugs and SEVA experienced during the many hours and bitter at the thought of leaving everyone and walking out into the light of a new day in the hustle and bustle of NYC.
So I finally make it back home and crawl into bed, thoughts whirling around my head as I fall into a deep sleep and as I’m falling Amma comes to me and says very gently and clearly and firmly “say: All in all in the space where I am all is well”. As I repeat after her I can feel the sense of space connected to those words the sense of gather of all in all, all parts and pieces of my life, the sense of space where I am and the sense that all is well there – here and now.
I fall deeper into sleep with the feeling that it is important to remember this affirmation, a slight fear that I might forget when I wake up so I should write it down now but too tired to move a muscle, and with an awareness that when I asked Amma to bless me as a teacher I was also affirming myself as a student.
“All in all in the space where I am all is well”.
Thank you Amma.
For more information about Amma please visit: amma.org